Cultural differences have caused me to feel foolish on more than one occasion.
One occasion in particular involved a miscommunication with a friend over a dinner date. At the last minute, the time changed, which caused confusion. It resulted in one party waiting at the restaurant for a companion that never arrived. Getting stood up, especially by a friend, is always an awkward experience. Naturally, this miscommunication developed some uncomfortable feelings between my friend and me.
As an American, I immediately focused on the source of the problem before it escalated. My Taiwanese friend's response was to avoid confrontation. She took all of the blame for the miscommunication, while I started asking what had happened. When I realized that I had also accidently placed the blame on her through my directness, I became upset. I didn't want her to take the blame - I wanted to solve the problem! I fumed about her tactics for a bit before taking a deep breath. Then, I looked back and discovered the differences in their approaches to compromise.
In America, compromise is valued, but often grudgingly. We want to compromise for a larger benefit, not just for compromise. It's rarely our first instinct and rarely simple. For example, at work, compromising your ideas to encompass another's can be frustrating. Here in Taiwan, compromise seems almost an instinct. It feels embedded in the culture in the same way that independence seems embedded in American culture.
On the day that I sat fuming over the cultural differences and ideologies of east and west, I discovered the problem: me. My friend apologized and attempted to help while I was mad that the problem happened. What a shock to look in the metaphorical mirror and say "Hey, you're the one that messed up." If I had just apologized politely for the miscommunication and left it at that, I would never have found myself angry and frustrated. Instead, I felt it necessary to discuss the little details and explain my side of the story, inadvertently placing blame almost entirely on my friend. The idea of letting go of the situation and moving forward never occurred to me.
The Taiwanese approach is the opposite of mine. Had I known this or been born on Kinmen, I might have immediately taken blame: "I'm so sorry; the entire thing was my fault. I hope I haven't offended you by missing our dinner date!" To which a similar reply would have been given. Then we would have eventually worked our way to an understanding that it was merely a miscommunication. Both parties could then walk away thinking how gracious and humble their dear friend is and how in the end, the miscommunication was nothing more than just that: a miscommunication.
Stopping to think, not assuming we are right, and not blaming others is a good lesson for an American. It makes understanding our differences a little easier. Through learning to let go, we might even lose some frustration. To all of the ever grateful, sincere, cooperative, and apologetic Taiwanese: I'm sorry. Maybe an American, 'take the bull by the horns,' approach is not the best way to handle miscommunications.
In new country where at any turn you might inadvertently offend someone, I've found it hard to abandon my desire to be right. In America, we often go straight to the source of any miscommunication in attempts to root out the problem. However, on Kinmen, it is the custom to avoid this behavior. It is a good model for effective cross-cultural communications in the future.

『本專刊由<金門日報>編輯部與學術交流基金會(傅爾布萊特交換計畫/Fulbright Taiwan)共同策畫製作』